Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
