I hate all girls vehemently.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
