Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
