my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
