i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Randomize
