He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
