names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
