Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
