your thong is hanging out like whoa
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
