Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
