my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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