dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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