I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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