Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
