He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
3 2 1 whiskey
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
