He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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