she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
