oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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