opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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