A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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