Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize