you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
