in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
