Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
