last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
