Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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