I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
