i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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