No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
