i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
