Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Duck Duck Cougar?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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