don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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