So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
