DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
