Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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