Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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