I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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