His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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