I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
BRING THE BAGELS
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
