i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
