we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
