I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
