I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
