But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize