onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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