I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i drank out of a bidet.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
