Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
