My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
