O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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