6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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