and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
