Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
