I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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