those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
