i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
then he tried to convert me to islam
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
