My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
