She's JV to your varsity
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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