please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
