Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize