You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
