The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
