OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
