i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
