I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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