he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
