So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize